Question:

The bottom line seems to be: how does it rest with Principle if I charge the City of Toronto with negligence? May I say that I don't believe that I'm adversarial, but I almost wondered whether the Universe was giving me a nudge.

In 1984 I developed a range of pasta sauces from home, graduated to making the products in someone's factory, then approached A & P to see if they'd be interested in my producing them under their private label. The contact lady was delighted with the products, and asked me to dream up a red one and a white one, and together with two of the green ones, supply them under their private label. Of course I was thrilled. I didn't realize that I had to pay for the artist's concept, the artwork, legal, packaging, blah blah, but, no matter, wanted to appear as a throbbing empire and professional, and bit the bullet.

Must say that I think these expensive treats unfolded somewhat gradually. Come to think of it, I don't think info was volunteered, and it took me some time to get it. I think one of my stumbling blocks is that I REALLY have to be whacked over the head several times with perhaps an 8 X 4 'til I get -- and even then I don't always get it.

Anyway, A & P promised me at least half a million the first year, and an educated guess on both of our parts predicted that one or two flavors would emerge as leaders, and that the second year's sales would be even higher. Based on all of this, I got a small business loan, although heaven knows how! The accountant said he'd never seen anyone in my position get one.

Did I say that I chose a family in which I got even more grounding in scarcity? So I leased a lovely, spotless factory, bought a forklift, compressors, had a walk-in cooler constructed etc., and then, right, A & P did almost nothing. Tiny orders, hideous distribution, no flyer support, no promotion, no sales efforts. So I bumbled along, appearing at my desk at 7 a.m. (although I was the only one to see me) looking as if I had stepped out of Vogue mag. all dressed up and nowhere to go, driving my forklift in my beautiful suit and heels.

I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this company would be an enormous success. I knew that the company would be socially responsible, and completely ethical. What I created was a debt load of $100,000 when I closed the thing 18 months ago. I am a person who has never said "I can't," and recently became conscious of the fact that I don't say "Uncle." So I've been sitting in that home office, doing almost nothing, telling the collection agencies that I want very much to pay my bills, but am not yet in the position to do so. I did not want to declare bankruptcy since I'd had the benefit of the supplies and services. I did buy life insurance and forwarded beneficiary certificates to 4 friends who had loaned me money, and although this might be barely better than nothing, I don't feel good about it.

I could go on and on, but a year ago I had my fifth auto accident - none of which were my fault!!! Basically three of us were traveling along in absolutely perfect conditions when there was a loud thump under the vehicle towards the back. Witnesses say that the thing rose in the air about 9", and when it landed was engulfed in flames -- no brakes, no steering, etc. A piece of road was not glued down properly and when I drove over it, although it looked perfect, it tilted up and bashed a hole in the gas tank. And since we were close to streetcar tracks, perhaps a spark caused the mini explosion, etc. Anyway we got out all right -- singed hair and slightly singed faces, etc. The other two girls were okay, and although I'm as healthy as a rhinoceros, and everything is always tremendous, I did have a rotten headache for 6 months and needed a lot of chiro and massage, etc.

Now - don't faint dear Arnold, we're almost at the point, although I'm sure you've guessed it. If I charged the jolly old city, maybe I could pay off my factory bills. Is this what the Universe is nudging me towards? I think there's an enormous amount of power blocked in me, as I don't do anything to get out of trouble and have no idea what I'd like to do. Hard to understand because I think I'm quite clever and bright.

 

Answer:

Part I: The situation you have described is a perfect reflection of how you see yourself. You present yourself as self-assured, confident, socially conscious, financially successful, etc. Yet you expect to be rejected and end up depleted. You found a market for your products, obtained a loan, built a factory and dressed for success. However, the support you said you expected never materialized because others didn't deliver.

There is no "other." All that you see is you.

When you said you have to be hit by an 8x4 and even then you don't get it, you are telling yourself that you know you can't trust what anyone tells you and you are doomed to fail. The anyone is always you.

Part II: If you wish to open the energy around this pattern, the first step is to recognize that you intentionally created it so that you could have the precise experiences that you have had. The next step is to appreciate the ingenuity, perseverance, and courage it took to create a pattern so opposite to who you really are. Then, become clear about who you really are -- the God Presence having human experiences.

This is just a rough and incomplete outline for you to start with. I suggest that you scroll back through prior answers on my website to help you fill in more of the blanks.